i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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