Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
