Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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