Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I sprained my soul last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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