I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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