I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
