Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I currently don't understand fingers.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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