so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
