I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
