3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
