put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Never joke about your clitoris.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
