Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
