i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
