I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
