I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
