Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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