Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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