I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
