my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
