Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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