theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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