I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
