Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
