Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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