Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
