Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wear drunk well.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
