Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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