We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
