Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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