I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They have beer where we have blood.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
