I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
