Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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