My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
