I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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