dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
