Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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