dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
