i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
