He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
