It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
