my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
