I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We left the knife in your bed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
