i think my tv is drunk
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
