Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dignity is for republicans.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
