I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
