Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
