Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
did i just pee glitter
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
