Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
