I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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