If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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