Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
